This post is dedicated to Fritz. My family’s dog of 14 years. Your spirit still lingers in our household and I miss you.
In order to record 2019, thus far, I have assisted the help of my journal. Yes, a journal. A journal that I have neglected time and time again, like this blog. However, in January and February, I did write in it every day. I won’t fool myself by trying it again. Instead, baby steps. Journal at least once a week when I have the time, energy or the need to do so. I also want to write in my blog at least one a week. I don’t know what exactly but one of my favorite disabled authors / Youtubers, Shane Burcaw, writes a “What Made Me Smile This Week” on his social media. I won’t take his idea but it would be nice to do something that pushes me to actually write, and weekly. What about, “If I could summarize this week, I would say it was…” or, shorter, “After this week, I feel…” I could try out both and see how it goes. Anyways, now I am rambling. Let’s get to the meat of this post. 2019, thus far.
January – I tried, like everyone else, to make New Years resolutions and keep them. I remember working really hard throughout the month to stay consistent with BeachBody. I loved the workout (only 20 min. per day) but the Shakeology part was too much for my stomach to process, so I stopped the shakes earlier than I did the exercise regime. January also consisted of me really struggling with my self-esteem as well as my standards in terms of meeting guys. Needless to say, it all did not go anywhere but the internal dialogue was interesting to read. I didn’t really want the guys who were pursuing me but I felt like I almost had to because, as horrible as it sounds, I’m disabled and thought that I can’t get anything better, right?
In addition, I went to a psychic at the end of January. I have an odd relationship with psychics. I don’t mind going to them but also, I am skeptical. I will not go often. Most of my experiences have been because my mother went prior or there was a recommendation and someone else paid for me. Now, writing this in October, one of the pieces of the psychic visit that sticks with me is that I will have “a change in role or placement” in reference to work. I remember the psychic saying that they really love me at m place of work, and they do. But my role has not changed. In fact, I might take more hours to earn more money. I wonder if the “change in location” was supposed to happen in 2019 or could it be by the end of the next school year? Hmmm..
February – I was single for another Valentine’s Day. In fact, I have never had a “someone” on Valentine’s Day. I wish the holiday wasn’t so romanticized and a staple, especially for girls. Then again, if I was dating and in love, I probably wouldn’t say anything. I’d be in bliss.
There wasn’t much else in February, though I would like to quote myself. At the end of the month, I wrote the following: “I am worth more. 2018 gave me what I needed to leave behind. 2019 is about repairing myself and knowing where my heart will lie by 2020.” I would like to think that this still rings true. That I can leave 2019 knowing that there is more of a clear path, at least job and location-wise.
March – I stopped writing in my journal for most of March. I consistently write that 2020 is my year and I still believe that. So far, I have said nothing about 2019 being my year. Thank god. Because it really hasn’t been (with the exception of what occurs in August).
Though I will say that the end of the March to the end of April was the time when we had a student from Germany come stay with us. It was so nice having this lovely lady and I can’t wait to see her sometime in the future. Months later, I really hope she did actually enjoy herself. I don’t hear from her much. Hopefully her month on Long Island wasn’t a total loss. I know I enjoyed her company and so did my parents.
April – This month encompassed having a foreign exchange student or working. It was a month of still struggling with dieting / exercise, having/deleting social media and wondering if the person I am attracted to, actually giving me the time of day.
May – A deadline was given for May and the one person I hoped would make the decision I hoped for, didn’t. Didn’t act like it was an issue that he forgot. But I guess I shouldn’t count on guys for anything? How could I be so foolish to believe it would actually happen when nothing did previously? This decline, to this day, has lead me not to be hopeful anymore. It’s sad, but it’s true.
June – My birthday month. I remember it going by fast. End of the school year and last minute prep for my brother’s wedding. Over the years, I’ve cared less and less about celebrating my birthday, aside from a card and cake. I don’t need a party or anything fancy. Just a card and a cake is fine by me.
The day after the school year ended was the day of my brother’s wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony and I still can’t wait for all the photos to come out. My best friend came to be my plus one and he was short enough to dance with me a few times on my crutches. End of May to June was when my left hip began to hurt. I made sure to mix being on my crutches and being in the chair at times. The food was great but the music could’ve been better. It wasn’t my taste.
July – I did not work in July and now, looking back, I really should’ve have been. I need to save money and I really did not do much of anything in July but catch up on Netflix and go out for food with friends. I know, for teachers, July and August is a time to replenish oneself but it was more me being a couch potato.
August – The highlight of this month and really, this year, was going to a Queen concert in Madison Square Garden. We had the best seats and we even got to meet the drummer, Roger Taylor, the next day, outside of his hotel. He was the nicest and now I can say I met the drummer from the legendary band, Queen, and also I am one away from Freddie Mercury, which means the world to me.
Going to a Backstreet Boys concert a week later was surreal. Two concerts within a week of one another. I was so lucky, though I will admit that nothing will beat the Queen concert. I got Merch from both concerts as reminds of where I have been, even though I have photos/videos to show as well. I love to have something in my hands. Over-sized shirts, posters and/or coffee cups are the must-haves of music merch for me.
September – September has ended. You can wake up Billie Joe now. Ha, ha. Bad Green Day joke, Anyway…
September has come and gone, semi-quickly. Interesting work schedule that I am still getting used to and the realization of how much I need to save in order to make 2020 my year of change (in location).
On September 29, I went to the Global Citizens Festival. I saw Queen for the second time. Of course, my seats were farther away than at MSG but nothing could beat those seats. Nothing could beat that concert but it was great regardless. I am so glad that I went and could say that I was there when my parents could only see it on the TV. Granted, they got a better view of everything but I could say I was in the same area as Carol King, Leo DiCaprio, Rami Malek and Queen. Actually, at one point, Rami and his girlfriend, Lucy, were semi-in-front-of-us. While filming Carol King for my mom, you saw Rami in the frame the whole time. How crazy is that?
Now it is October and I have come to the end of this 2019 catch-up game with you. I hope you enjoyed it. I think the (more frequent) posts to come will be much better. Stay tuned and enjoy the photo compilation below.